


I Love Him, He Loves Me Not?

by larryspangel



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Harry and Louis - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 06:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2641727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryspangel/pseuds/larryspangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this like a year or so ago. I found it in one of my old journals and I never published it. I decided why not I'll publish it. It has some self harm so if you get triggered by that do not read. I hope you like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love Him, He Loves Me Not?

Harry’s POV:  
I looked up at the mirror. I can see myself trembling, blood dripping down my wrists. This is a pretty normal night for me. I guess most people would think I spend my Friday nights partying with celebrities and stuff. Most people think I am this happy, rich womanizer. That’s all people think of me. “Oh look Harry Styles is with those two girls, he must be sleeping with both of them!” I take my razor and create a few more lines into my arm. They don’t know anything about me. No one does, not even the boys. My best friend doesn’t even know. It would hurt him if he did. He would probably leave me. Everyone leaves me. He doesn’t need me though. He has Eleanor. God, I hated her. Don’t get me wrong, she is nice and stuff, but she has Louis. Louis, my best friend and the love of my life. He will never love me like that. I add some more lines, deeper than before. I looked at the time. He will be home soon. I cleaned up my arms as best as I could, then put on my jumper and sat down on the coach. I heard the door open.  
“Harry! I’m home!”  
Louis walked in and sat down next to me.  
“How was your date?” I asked.  
“It was fantastic! Eleanor and I had a lovely dinner then we went dancing. She was wearing this cute little blue dress-  
He went on and on. My stomach was in pain. I couldn’t stand hearing this.  
“Harry are you ok? You look a bit pale” Louis asked with concern.  
“Um…yah I’m fine, just a bit of a stomach ache…”  
“Aww Hazza, do you want any Advil or anything” Louis said as he snuggled closer.  
Louis’ smell was intoxicating, his warmth brought me peace.  
“Can we just cuddle here for a bit?” I asked, blushing.  
“Of course love”.  
We fell asleep like that. The next morning I woke up and Louis was gone. I walked into the kitchen and found a note.  
“Hi H, hope you’re feeling better! I’ve gone out to breakfast with El, I’ll see you at rehearsals later! xx Louis”.  
Of course he leaves me for her again. I’m always the second choice. I’ll never be good enough for Louis. I walked back to the bathroom. I knew this routine by heart now. I walk in, lock the door, go to the bottom drawer, open the small “medicine” case, and take out my razors. I began marking up my lower arm, one for me not being good enough, another for Louis leaving me again for her, another for me being the second choice, another for falling in love with Louis and him not loving me back. I finished, but realized there was blood everywhere. I didn’t realize how deep I had gone until I was already done. “Shit” I said as I tried to clean up the blood.  
“Harry, I’m home!”  
“Oh god…”  
“Harry are you in here?” Louis asked as he knocked on the bathroom door.  
“Just a minute!” I responded.  
I was bleeding everywhere and I didn’t know how to stop it. I began feeling dizzy.  
“You ok in there?”  
“Um yah, I’ll be out in a second”.  
I started panicking.  
About a minute or two later I heard another knock on the door.  
“Harry let me in. Unlock the door”.  
“No, I can’t…um…you can’t…you can’t come in”.  
“Harry, I’m going to come in either way, you can either unlock the door or I’m just going in”.  
“You can’t come in Louis…please”.  
I was too dizzy to do anything at this point, but beg. I heard the door unlock and Louis stepped in.  
“Oh my god Harry!” Louis stuttered as he ran over to me.  
“Why…” Louis said crying.  
“It’s no big deal…”  
“No big deal! Do you see this! Tell me that this is no big deal” Louis said sobbing.  
“I’m sorry…”  
“Why…why didn’t you tell me?” Louis stuttered out.  
“I didn’t want this to happen, that’s why”.  
Louis quickly grabbed the washcloths from the sink and wrapped them around my arm.  
“This is bad. Maybe we should go to the hospital? You could-  
“No! I can’t. If I go, they won’t let me do this anymore and everyone will think that I’m crazy. No one can find out. Please, don’t tell anyone.  
“Why would you want to do this. I can’t not tell people. Harry, I’m worried about you. You need to get help before-  
“Before what? Before I accidentally kill myself?”  
With that, Louis burst into tears again.  
“Harry, please never do that. I need you” Louis sobbed.  
I laughed.  
“You don’t need me. You would be perfectly fine without me. You have Eleanor, perfect, wonderful Eleanor”.  
“Harry…you are so important to me. You are my best friend…”  
“Bullshit. That’s bullshit and you know it. Lou, I don’t matter”.  
“What are you saying? Of course you are important to me!” Louis cried.  
“Do you realize how much I care? Do you realize how much I love you?” Louis said, still crying.  
“Yah, you totally love me” I said sarcastically.  
“You love Eleanor. Do you realize how much it hurts?”  
“What do you mean?” Louis stuttered.  
“I’m fucking in love with you Louis. Can you not see it? I love you and you love Eleanor. Do you know how much that hurts? I see you with her every single day. I hear you talk about her every single day. It really sucks Lou”.  
Louis went silent and turned away.  
“Well that’s bloody fantastic. I ruined our friendship. You probably-  
I was interrupted by Louis’ lips slamming into mine. I’m kissing Louis. Louis is kissing me. He then pulled away.  
“What?” I said confused.  
“I’m fucking in love with you too idiot” Louis said.  
“Are you serious?” I asked.  
With that Louis leaned in and kissed me, softly this time.  
“I’m serious Haz. I have been for a long time” Louis whispered.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I stuttered out.  
“Because…I…well…I was scared” Louis said quietly.  
“You were scared? The Louis Tomlinson was scared?”  
“Yes, shut up. I thought you were straight and I was trying to convince myself that I was too. I love you so much Harry. If anything happened to you” Louis started tearing up again.  
This time, I leaned in and kissed him. It was slow and passionate. Louis slipped his tongue into my mouth. I let his tongue explore my mouth. It was perfect. I was kissing Louis, the love of my life. We pulled away and Louis pulled me into his arms. He kissed my head and stroked my curls.  
“Please don’t hurt yourself Harry” Louis said quietly.  
“I’ll try for you” I responded.  
After sitting like that for awhile, Louis helped me up and cleaned my arms. We walked to my bed and cuddled close. Louis grabbed my arm and slowly started kissing up it.  
“ You. Are. So. Beautiful” Louis said between kisses.  
“You are going to make it through this ok? We are going to make it through this. I’m never going to leave you. I promise. I love you so much”.  
“I love you too Lou”.  
With that, we fell asleep in each other’s arms. Recovery is going to be a tough trip, but I have Louis to help me. With him on my side, I knew I could do anything.


End file.
